Initially, I was excited. I spent at least 2 hours in Target getting school supplies. I went up and down the aisles several times trying to figure out what I needed, how I was going to organize my notes for class, and anticipate anything extra that may prove beneficial. I had notebooks, but not just any notebooks. I had to get the journal style notebooks; 1 for each class. Then I had to get the right pack of blue pens, not black. Studies show that you better retain notes written in blue ink versus black. I grabbed the perfect set of mechanical pencils – Pentech 0.5mm. Let’s not forget the binder, just in case. I already had a backpack so that saved time. If I had to choose a backpack I don’t think I would have ever left that store.
Fast forward to the first day of school. I arrive extra early because that’s what you do if you want a parking space. So, I go to the bookstore and pick up some gel pens; I don’t use highlighters. I also grabbed some white out.
While in the bookstore, it dawns me…I’m older than everyone at this school, or at least so I thought. I could feel my heart immediately begin to start racing. My anxiety level was up there. I began to second guess myself. Did I belong there with all these young, sharp minds? Did I have what it takes to be successful? Could I really do this? I sat in the back of the class silent. I said no more than necessary. The teacher decided to do an ice-breaker. She asked our ages, major, and something else. My age? You mean you want me to tell these young kids how old I am, thereby disclosing the failure of my life? I don’t think so.
Going to college is not easy. Going to college as a full-grown adult, at least for me, it was even more difficult. It was intimidating to say the least. Here I am, a 37 year old single mom, sitting in a classroom filled with 19 and 20 year olds. I felt like I was so out of place. I stuck it out. I persisted despite the obstacles. I eventually made friends. The young people were so accepting of me. They helped me and I encouraged them. I am confident that God placed them around me. We have worked together helping each other for 4 semesters now. These young people have become my friends. They invite me to hang out and we share parts of our lives with each other. The love with which they embrace me has been uplifting. Many days it helps me to push through.
Fast forward to present day. I have made the Dean’s List Honor Roll and am a member of the Alpha Sigma Lambda Honor Society. You couldn’t have convinced me that this would be my story. I would never have imagined this level of success. As the saying goes, “C’s get degrees.” By the grace of God, that not does not apply to me. God has granted me the mental capacity to learn and retain knowledge. He has blessed me with the ability to succeed. He has provided opportunity and given me extra strength to get through difficult times. Graduation is around the corner and I owe it all to the Most High God.. Because of Him, I am.
Being me isn’t easy but I sure make it look like it is. That’s only because of God. I erased my preconceived notions of college life. I erased the ideas which had been imprinted upon me through my life’s experiences. I found my Blank Slate and embraced myself with all my flaws. I am being Expertly Me. Be Expertly You.
“And the Lord answered me: “Write the vision; make it plain on tablets, so he may run who reads it. For still the vision awaits its appointed time; it hastens to the end—it will not lie. If it seems slow, wait for it; it will surely come; it will not delay.”
Habakkuk 2:2-3 ESV